


A murder of ducklings

by Elster



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-16
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-02-03 06:40:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12743046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elster/pseuds/Elster
Summary: A short bit of Chargers banter alluding to what happened when the Chargers plus Dorian were sent as back-up to Marius and Tessa in the Hissing Wastes.





	A murder of ducklings

**Author's Note:**

> I never read that comic, only the summary on the Dragon Age Wiki, so I'm just guessing.

“I’m so glad to be back from that place,” Krem said to the Iron Bull as they finally sat down in the Herald’s Rest. “Sand everywhere. Sand in my ears. I swear my scalp itched for a whole week even after we left the desert. It’s disgusting.”  
“Aw, you sound like you had entirely too much fun without me.”  
Krem laughed. “I wouldn’t say fun,” he said, “but everything went fine, so I’ll drink to that.”  
“Don’t you believe a thing he says, Chief,” Rocky, who had just entered, shouted across the room on his way to get a drink.  
Krem scowled. “How could you possibly have heard what I’ve just said?”  
“Didn’t,” Rocky admitted with a shrug.  
“I swear…” Krem muttered.  
“He just said he didn’t have fun in the Hissing Wastes,” the Iron Bull filled Rocky in as soon as he sat down with them.  
“Not as much as some people, that’s right,” Rocky said.  
The Iron Bull raised his eyebrow in question, which was Krem’s cue to groan. “Chief, the Altus is in-sane.”  
Rocky tilted his head back and forth considering that statement. “More gleefully murderous than you’d think looking at him,” he explained.  
“Don’t know about that,” Krem said wryly.  
“He has some kind of thing about Venatori,” Bull agreed, “Otherwise he’s pretty chill.”  
“Is that supposed to be a pun?” Krem asked, his eyes narrowed slightly. “Because yes, he did complain about being cold. A lot.”  
The Iron Bull grinned and Krem elbowed him.  
“Guy’s got some issues,” Rocky shrugged, ignoring them both, “but considering the odds it wasn’t so much overkill as perfectly adequate-”  
Krem pointed at him. “You – don’t talk. Some explosions, my ass, you brought down half the fucking hillside.”  
“Yeah, that was pretty good,” Rocky said proudly.  
“The plan involved setting our contact there on fire. As a diversion. We had a fighting human torch,” Krem complained to Bull. “It’s perfectly safe, they tell me. I know all my compatriots are seven kinds of crazy, but I feel betrayed by Stitches. What kind of plan is that?”  
“Sounds fine to me,” Bull admitted.  
Krem patted him on the arm with obvious pity. “And that’s why I do most of the planning, Chief.”  
Dalish flopped down on the bench on the other side of Bull, Skinner in tow. “Hey Chief, did Krem already tell you about the guy we set on fire? It was amazing!” she said enthusiastically.  
“It was idiotic,” Krem insisted.  
“Aw, don’t pretend like you’re a spoilsport,” she said and then whispered loudly to Bull. “He thought it was awesome, too.”  
“Killing a lot of shems, freeing slaves, what’s not to love,” Skinner added dryly over Krem’s protest.  
“Dorian is Krem’s new best friend,” Dalish informed Bull, causing Krem to get ale up his nose.  
“We think about adopting him,” Rocky said. “Skinner called him a goat-fucking son of a whore only yesterday.”  
“High praise indeed,” Bull said. After all, being labeled a goat-fucking son of a whore was a sight better than a shem in Skinner’s sliding scale of hating people.  
“He may not need killing,” Skinner agreed magnanimously.  
“We’re not friends,” Krem objected when he stopped coughing long enough to get a word out.  
“It’s okay,” Bull appeased him while slapping him on the back, “I’m not jealous.”  
“They bonded over some really raunchy Tevene drinking songs,” Dalish said. “At least I assume they’re raunchy. I would be horribly disappointed if they weren’t.”  
“I was drunk,” Krem said weakly. “He made me drunk, then he made me sing. I had no part in any of this.”  
Stitches and Grim appeared before anyone had a chance to call Krem a liar. “Are we talking about the evil magister and his evil magisterial drinking and singing?”  
“No, we aren’t,” Krem said.  
“I don’t know why you make such a big thing out of it. I think he’s very nice,” Dalish said.  
“Nice?” Krem asked incredulously.  
“Must be a mistranslation,” Rocky considered, “Dalish also says that about Skinner with a straight face.”  
“He can be nice,” Bull mused.  
Krem snorted. “You only say that because he’s nice to your dick.”  
“There’s that,” Bull admitted.  
“He was just a bit shy in the beginning,” Dalish said, not minding their asides.  
“Of course he was,” Stitches said, “he thought Skinner wanted to shank him.”  
“Well, he wasn’t wrong there, was he?”  
“I did,” Skinner agreed as a matter of course.  
“See?”  
“Chief, you’re company is a joke, I refuse to be your lieutenant any longer,” Krem said. Everyone ignored him, because he always said that after his first ale.  
“So you could say setting people on fire helped to break the ice?” Bull asked.  
“Thawed him right up,” Rocky agreed while everybody else groaned.  
“Oh, oh, oh, there he is,” Dalish said suddenly.  
“Hey, Pavus, get your sparkly arse over here!” Rocky shouted across the room.  
Dorian only startled the slightest bit before he spotted them and waved his hand in some high-handed gesture, ignoring them in favour of Cabot and his bar. Probably meant he’d get his sparkly arse over to them in his own time.  
“Aw, you’d think he doesn’t want to be seen with the likes of us,” Rocky quipped.  
“That’s cute,” Dalish said.  
“These new guys you brought with you, what’s their deal?” Bull asked Krem.  
“Pair of assassins, fairly competent. With the distinction of having got into trouble with the Archon of all people.”  
Now that was interesting. “What kind of trouble?”  
Krem shrugged. “Don’t know. And don’t really care. You can ask Dorian, he had some kind of heart-to-heart with the guy, maybe it came up. Though probably it was just about that whole Tevinter,” he waved his hand, “bullshit, you know. He did that with me as well. It’s so weird to have an Altus go all human on you, like he actually cares what I think about him. I’m not sure I’m over it yet.”  
“Maybe I’ll catch one of the two before they leave.”  
“If not, I bet Leliana knows everything there is to know about it.”  
“Hm. She’s tough to pump for information though.”  
“Can’t help you there, Chief.”  
“I think I’m starting to grow on Cabot,” Dorian, who had slowly walked over to their table, interjected. “I didn’t even have to ask for a proper glass with my bottle this time.”  
“More like wearing him down,” Krem said without missing a beat. “You can’t just drink from the bottle or a cup like everybody else?”  
“I could,” Dorian said as if he was going to follow it with a ‘but’, then he apparently gave up on the line of thought as pointless, because the next thing he said was. “So. You have to help me with my Common: What do you call a group of ducklings? A gaggle of ducklings? A waddle of ducklings?”  
“It’s a murder of ducklings,” Skinner said before Krem could even ask what he was on about.  
Dorian beamed at her. “Ah! Thank you!” He turned his smile on Bull. “You must be such a proud mother.”  
“Sure,” Bull said puzzled.  
Krem laughed and Dorian’s smile lost its teeth and settled into the corners of his eyes. “I heard somebody asking for my sparkly arse; where should I put it?”  
Some increasingly indecent suggestions where shouted across the table. Dorian settled between Krem and Rocky and pretended not to hear them while he cleaned his glass with a handkerchief and poured the wine. He waited until the noise died down, breathed in, made a dramatic pause and then asked Stitches a question about some tonic or potion. The conversation splintered into the usual chaos again quickly, but just that one moment of collective attention told Bull everything he needed to know.  
“He’s got you all totally wrapped around his finger, doesn’t he?” Bull asked Krem.  
Krem buried his head in his hands. “He’s a very annoying person and I don’t like him at all, go away.”  
The Iron Bull patted him on the back comfortingly. “Aw, it’s alright, I won’t tell anybody.”


End file.
